Here’s Chapter 40 of The Magic Battery. It’s a little Christmas story by itself.
The Christmas guests at Thomas’s house were the mages Lucas Schneider, Jacob Kessler, and their families. The dinner, everyone agreed, was excellent. The fire made the room pleasantly warm. Everyone was in good spirits.
Kessler stood on a chair and raised his cup. “To Thomas Lorenz, for bringing in a new age of magic!” All joined in enthusiastically.
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Some things are sillier than any parody you could make of them. An example is Stanford University’s recent “Elimination of Harmful Language” document. It was greeted with so much laughter that Stanford has hidden it behind a login screen. Fortunately, the Internet Archive still lets you see the document, so we can still make fun of it. Try to imagine writing an article adhering to its demands. It would have no color (oops, can’t say that — racist!), and the effort would leave you gasping (belittles people with asthma!) and drive you insane (insults people with psychiatric issues!).
It starts with a self-own: “Content Warning: This website contains language that is offensive or harmful. Please engage with this website at your own pace.” Further on, it self-owns the self-own by telling you that a “trigger warning” “can cause stress about what’s to follow. Additionally, one can never know what may or may not trigger a particular person.”
That last is actually the one piece of sensible advice in the whole clown act. Psychological experts have found that warning someone that scary stuff is coming only makes the reader more anxious. So naturally they don’t follow their own advice.
For the rest, I can’t do better than pick out some gems:
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My latest article for Online Library of Liberty, “Authority and Oppression in Verdi’s Operas”, is now up for your reading enjoyment. I’m especially proud of the research that went into this one.
The direct inspiration for this article was a piece (by a friend I won’t name) that complained about a “quantum increase” in something. The idea of a “quantum increase” or “quantum leap” is that at a sub-microscopic level, changes in the state of particles are discrete, not continuous. A particle’s energy goes from one level to another without going through intermediate levels. In other words, a quantum leap is the smallest amount of change possible. A lot of writers must think it means something else.
That’s just one of many scientific terms that get mangled in popular writing. Let’s look at a few more.
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A change in PayPal’s policies has blown up in its face. PayPal claimed the right to debit accounts $2,500 for “misinformation.” It would be the sole judge of what constitutes misinformation. In the face of widespread user fury, PayPal backed down, claiming “the language was never intended to be inserted into our policy.” Even with the removal of that language, it still has language financially penalizing some forms of expression.
People often disagree on facts. Some people make claims which others say are false. Non-fiction writers are in the business of asserting facts, and sometimes they claim that what’s “common knowledge” is wrong. Many writers get paid through PayPal, and sometimes it’s the only option the customer offers. If PayPal decides your article is wrong, it could take away a large fraction of a month’s income.
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