Irony is one of those things we know when we see it, but it’s hard to pin down if you’re asked to explain. Merriam-Webster gives two definitions: (1) the use of words that mean the opposite of what you really think especially in order to be funny. (2) a situation that is strange or funny because things happen in a way that seems to be the opposite of what you expected.
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Sometimes, to make a point you just have to lecture. This is one of those times. I don’t think most of my regular readers need the lecture, but you might like to point it out to those who do.
Start of lecture:
Do you know what the word “phobia” means? Merriam-Webster gives a single definition: “an exaggerated usually inexplicable and illogical fear of a particular object, class of objects, or situation.”
The central word is “fear,” which is what “phobia” means in Greek. It’s generally a reaction someone has no immediate control over, though it’s possible to reduce it with long-term measures. Examples are acrophobia (fear of heights), claustrophobia (fear of enclosed places), and agoraphobia (fear of crowds). They don’t normally entail hostility, just a strong desire to avoid whatever it is.
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When you don’t see people face to face and all your interactions are by phone or over the Internet, life can take on an unreal quality. It feels as if we’re living virtual lives, not real ones. Maybe that’s why writers put the adjective “virtual” on virtually everything. Instead of real learning, we have “virtual learning.” There was talk of the Democratic and Republican presidential candidates having a “virtual debate,” apparently in lieu of actually debating. Yet perversely, people we barely know on Facebook are “friends,” not “virtual friends.”
We need to hang on to the reality of life. The term “virtual” means being not quite something or being simulated. If something is “virtually impossible,” it still has a glimmer of possibility.
Many things are now simulated on the Internet because we can’t do them in real life; there are virtual meetings, virtual classrooms, virtual attendance, etc. That’s legitimate. But the outcomes ought to be real. Virtual classrooms should result in real learning, or what’s the point? Distance doesn’t make things less real. People have debated by correspondence for thousands of years; why does distance suddenly make debates “virtual”?
The word “virtual” is an antonym of “literal.” Maybe the long history of abusing “literal” has made the abuse of its opposite inevitable. If you can say someone “literally exploded” when there was no explosion, then why not say you “virtually learned” when you actually learned?
“Virtual,” like “algorithm,” is a trendy word to stick everywhere because it makes the writer sound computer-smart. But it’s virtual smartness, just the appearance of it. Let’s hold on to what’s real in life and not dismiss everything we do at a distance as “virtual.”
If you want to come across as a writer who really understands computers, the best way is to learn about them. Read technical books and blogs. Learn how HTML and HTTP work. Find out what the common security fallacies are.
But that’s a lot of work. A quicker way is to use the word “algorithm” a lot.
An algorithm is a precise but abstract description of a computational process. “Precise” means laying out each step mathematically, so that any implementation should produce the same results. “Abstract” means it’s independent of a particular programming language or operating system. You can implement an algorithm in C, PHP, Java, or any other language. Some algorithms work more easily in some languages than in others, but there’s no inherent requirement to use specific technology.
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In the first half of the twentieth century, race was widely considered a scientific concept. Terms like “Caucasian” and “Negro” were capitalized to emphasize their significance. Today science recognizes that no objective division of humanity into genetic races is possible. One group shades into another, and differences within groups are greater than those between them. The view of people as members of races has done only harm, setting people against each other.
I prefer strictly descriptive terms when possible, such as “light-skinned” or “dark-skinned.” At the same time, I recognize that dark-skinned people very often get badly treated. It just lets me avoid giving unwarranted significance to these categories. A person with straight, blonde hair and light skin is as human as one with black, curly hair and dark skin. Their experiences are likely to be very different, but their humanity is the same.
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