In preparation for the upcoming showing of Douglas Fairbanks in Robin Hood at the Plaistow Library, I’ve watched the movie over and over. Inevitably, I’ve spotted inconsistencies and hard-to-explain bits. It’s still a wonderful movie, but for what it’s worth, here’s a nitpick list (SPOILER ALERT).

• Why did Huntingdon’s severe phobia of women vanish? Falling in love with Marian isn’t a sufficient explanation.
• Is that a turkey leg King Richard chowed down? In the 12th century? (Maybe he got it at King Richard’s Faire.)
• Why did Huntingdon’s squire not go with him to the Crusade? He stayed behind under orders to protect Marian, but King Richard would never have accepted that as an excuse, especially since she wasn’t in obvious danger at that point.
• Several times, letters are shown on the screen first in an almost unreadable script, then they fade to a more readable one. Pausing the video (which you couldn’t do in a 1922 movie theater) reveals that they both show the same text. Is the difficult script supposed to represent Old English and the easier one a translation?
• Why did John talk, while Marian’s servant was present, about his intention to kill Marian, and then let the servant run off to warn her?
• When John’s men entered Nottingham by the postern gate, how did they not notice that everyone ahead of them was getting conked on the head?
• Why did these same idiots just take the word of Marian’s servant that Marian had fallen off a cliff into the water and died, without even asking any questions?
• Although Richard ordered Huntingdon’s arrow wound (which was serious enough to make him faint) tended, the order was ignored, and the unconscious Robin was roughly thrown into a cell. He seemed surprisingly OK when he escaped, just a bit woozy.
• Friar Tuck appeared to recognize Marian by sight, although he’d never seen her before. The scene could have been fixed by giving it to Little John, formerly Huntingdon’s squire.
• When fighting the mystery knight, Friar Tuck boasted, “I’ll knop your scop.” The best I can translate this is “I’ll knob your poet.”
• John’s captain was forced at knifepoint to tell the castle guard he had captured Robin Hood’s men, when it was the other way around. Wouldn’t something have looked amiss to the guard? Wouldn’t at least one of John’s men yell that it wasn’t true? Wait, I forgot that they’re idiots.
• Someone threw a heavy metal hook at the captured Robin Hood, hitting him on the head, but he shook it off. What exactly was the point of that bit?

I won’t count Robin Hood having Jedi reflexes as a nitpick. That goes with the genre.